just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
