My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
