I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
