Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
