The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
