i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
