I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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