Please, let me fuck your mom
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i think my cat just said my name.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
