you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
