dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
