You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is Oprah even human
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
