At least make sure they are 18
Why
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
