I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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