I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you never un-have a 4some
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
