She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
