i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
