I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize