your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
