Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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