im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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