so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Bring me that man meat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You peed on a flamingo?!?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize