Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
that may or may not have been my penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
