i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
