I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
