dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
time to smoke my breakfast
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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