if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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