Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
