I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
