I've blown a few things in my day
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
