Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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