i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
