And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
