and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
