It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize