Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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