Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize