don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
