i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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