just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
