I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
