How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Still dying that you shit outside
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
