I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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