I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
