my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
