Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
