make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
