she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize