Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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