That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
