You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
bring money and cleavage
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
