Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
