It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
