why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
