we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
