Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
