Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
