You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
