my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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