think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
