I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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