you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
