Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
